4 Drafting

INTRODUCTIONS & CONCLUSIONS

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The following pages will help you develop a strong frame for your essay. You’ll want to write effective introductions and conclusions. After all, they are the first and last impressions your audience will have of your essay.
The introduction and conclusion of an essay serve an important purpose: They provide a kind of framing for the body of an essay. That framing helps your audience better understand your writing. The introduction prepares your reader for the ideas that are to come in the body of your essay. The conclusion provides important reminders about key points from the body of your essay and provides you with an important opportunity to leave a lasting impression on your audience.


INTRODUCTIONS

A woman typing on a computerThere is no doubt about it: the introduction is important for any kind of writing. Not only does a good introduction capture your reader’s attention and make him or her want to read on, but it’s also how you put the topic of your paper into context for the reader.

But just because the introduction comes at the beginning, it doesn’t have to be written first. Many writers compose their introductions last, once they are sure of the main points of their essay and have had time to construct a thought-provoking beginning, and a clear, cogent thesis statement.

 


INTRODUCTIONS PURPOSE

The introduction has work to do, besides grabbing the reader’s attention. Below are some things to consider about the purposes or the tasks for your introduction and some examples of how you might approach those tasks.

The introduction needs to alert the reader to what the central issue of the paper is.

Example

Few people realize how much the overuse of antibiotics for livestock is responsible for the growth of antimicrobial—resistant bacteria, which are now found in great abundance in our waterways.

 

The introduction is where you provide any important background information the reader should have before getting to the thesis.

Example

One hundred years ago there were only 8000 cars in the United States and only 144 miles of paved roads. In 2005, the Department of Transportation recorded 247,421,120 registered passenger vehicles in the United States, and over 5.7 million miles of paved highway. The automobile has changed our way of life dramatically in the last century.

 

The introduction tells why you have written the paper and what the reader should understand about your topic and your perspective.

Example

Although history books have not presented it accurately, in fact, the Underground Railroad was a bi-racial movement whereby black and white abolitionists coordinated secret escape routes for those who were enslaved.

 

The introduction tells the reader what to expect and what to look for in your essay.

Example

In 246 BCE, Ctesibius of Alexandria invented a musical instrument that would develop into what we know as the organ. Called a hydraulis, it functioned via wind pressure regulated by means of water pressure. The hydraulis became the instrument played at circuses, banquets, and games throughout Mediterranean countries.

 

The thesis statement (typically at the end of the introduction) should clearly state the claim, question, or point of view the writer is putting forth in the paper.

Example

While IQ tests have been used for decades to measure various aspects of intelligence, these tests are not a predictor for success, as many highly intelligent people have a low emotional intelligence, the important human mental ability to reason about emotions and to use emotions to enhance thought.


INTRODUCTIONS STRATEGIES

Although there is no one “right” way to write your introduction, there are some common introductory strategies that work well. The strategies below are ones you should consider, especially when you are feeling stuck and having a hard time getting started.

Consider opening with an anecdote, a pithy quotation, an image, question, or startling fact to provoke your reader’s interest. Just make sure that the opening helps put your topic in some useful context for the reader.

Anecdote:

A woman with aviator glasses riding in a car looking toward the back seat.One day, while riding in the car, my five-year old son asked me why my name was different from his daddy’s. I welcomed the opportunity to explain some of my feminist ideas, especially my strong belief that women did not need to take their husband’s name upon marriage. I carefully explained my reasons for keeping my own surname. My son listened intently and was silent for a moment after I finished.

Then he nodded and said, “I think it’s good you kept your own name Mom!”

“You do?” I asked, pleased that he understood my reasons.

“Yep, because you don’t look like a Bob.”

Question:
The study of anthropology and history reveals that cultures vary in their ideas of moral behavior. Are there any absolutes when it comes to right and wrong?

 

Overall, your focus in an introduction should be on orienting your reader. Keep in mind journalism’s five Ws: who, what, when, where, why, and add in how. If you answer these questions about your topic in the introduction, then your reader is going to be with you.

Of course, these are just some examples of how you might get your introduction started, but there should be more to your introduction. Once you have your readers’ attention, you want to provide context for your topic and begin to transition to your thesis, and don’t forget to include that thesis (usually at or near the end of your introduction).

 

CONCLUSIONS

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A satisfying conclusion allows your reader to finish your paper with a clear understanding of the points you made and possibly even a new perspective on the topic.

Any single paper might have a number of conclusions, but as the writer, you must consider who the reader is and the conclusion you want them to reach. For example, is your reader relatively new to your topic? If so, you may want to restate your main points for emphasis as a way of starting the conclusion. (Don’t literally use the same sentence(s) as in your introduction but come up with a comparable way of restating your thesis.) You’ll want to smoothly conclude by showing the judgment you have reached is, in fact, reasonable.

Just restating your thesis isn’t enough. Ideally, you have just taken your reader through a strong, clear argument in which you have provided evidence for your perspective. You want to conclude by pointing out the importance or worthiness of your topic and argument. You could describe how the world would be different, or people’s lives changed if they ascribed to your perspective, plan, or idea.

You might also point out the limitations of the present understanding of your topic, suggest or recommend future action, study, or research that needs to be done.

TIP: Be careful not to introduce any new ideas in your conclusion; your job is to wrap up in some satisfying way, so the reader walks away with a clear understanding of what you have had to say.

If you have written a persuasive paper, hopefully, your readers will be convinced by what you have had to say!

SEE IT IN PRACTICE

In this videocast, we check in with our student writer after she has written a rough draft of her introduction to her essay. In the video, she discusses her strategies and explains why she feels she has a good start on her essay.

READY TO WRITE

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Although it’s sometimes easier to write your introduction after having written the body of your essay, if you’re able to draft an introduction as you begin, it can certainly help you get going with your drafting and give you some nice direction as you develop your body paragraphs. With that in mind, try drafting your introduction for your essay using, perhaps, a strategy explored in this section. Don’t forget to consult your assignment one more time to have the requirements fresh in your mind as you begin. Remember, this will be just a rough draft of your introduction, and there will be plenty of time for revision later.

Your conclusion will likely be drafted as you wrap up your essay. Just like your introduction, your conclusion should fit well with the rest of your essay. Be sure to review the lessons here before you begin drafting your conclusion.

Remember to spend some time getting feedback on your introduction and conclusion as well. Many times, professors may not have time to review entire essays before an assignment is due, but they will often be willing to take quick looks at introductions and conclusions. Of course, feedback from your classmates will also help a lot!


THESIS STATEMENTS

A strong thesis statement crystallizes your paper’s argument and, most importantly, it’s arguable.

This means two things. It goes beyond merely summarizing or describing to stake out an interpretation or position that’s not obvious, and others could challenge for good reasons. It’s also arguable in the literal sense that it can be argued, or supported through a thoughtful analysis of your sources. If your argument lacks evidence, readers will think your thesis statement is an opinion or belief as opposed to an argument.

It helps to understand why readers value the arguable thesis. What larger purpose does it serve? Your readers will bring a set of expectations to your essay. The better you can anticipate the expectations of your readers, the better you’ll be able to persuade them to entertain seeing things your way.

Academic readers (and readers more generally) read to learn something new. They want to see the writer challenge commonplaces—either everyday assumptions about your object of study or truisms in the scholarly literature. In other words, academic readers want to be surprised so that their thinking shifts or at least becomes more complex by the time they finish reading your essay. Good essays problematize what we think we know and offer an alternative explanation in its place. They leave their reader with a fresh perspective on a problem.

We all bring important past experiences and beliefs to our interpretations of texts, objects, and problems. You can harness these observational powers to engage critically with what you are studying. The key is to be alert to what strikes you as strange, problematic, paradoxical, or puzzling about your object of study. If you can articulate this and a claim in response, you’re well on your way to formulating an arguable thesis in your introduction.

PARTS OF A THESIS SENTENCE

Keep calm and write your thesis sentenceThe thesis sentence is the key to most academic writing. This is important and worth repeating:

The thesis sentence is the key to most academic writing.

The purpose of academic writing is to offer your own insights, analyses, and ideas—to show not only that you understand the concepts you’re studying, but also that you have thought about those concepts in your own way, agreed or disagreed, or developed your own unique ideas as a result of your analysis. The thesis sentence is the one sentence that encapsulates the result of your thinking, as it offers your main insight or argument in condensed form.

A basic thesis sentence has two main parts:

  1. Topic: What you’re writing about
  2. Angle: What your main idea is about that topic

 

Example

Sample Thesis #1

Thesis: A regular exercise regime leads to multiple benefits, both physical and emotional.Topic: Regular exercise regime

Angle: Leads to multiple benefits

Example

Sample Thesis #2

Thesis: Adult college students have different experiences than typical, younger college students.Topic: Adult college students

Angle: Have different experiences

Example

Sample Thesis #3

Thesis: The economics of television have made the viewing experience challenging for many viewers because shows are not offered regularly, similar programming occurs at the same time, and commercials are rampant.Topic: Television viewing

Angle: Challenging because shows shifted, similar programming, and commercials

 

THESIS ANGLES

Most writers can easily create a topic: television viewing, the Patriot Act, Shakespeare’s Hamlet. The more difficult part is creating an angle. But the angle is necessary as a means of creating interest and as a means of indicating the type and organization of the information to follow.

Click on each of the thesis angles in the box below that you want to learn more about.

 

 

So what about this thesis sentence?

Adult college students have different experiences than traditionally-aged college students.

 

As a reader, you understand intuitively that the information to come will deal with the different types of experiences that adult college students have. But you don’t quite know if the information will deal only with adults, or if it will compare adults’ experiences with those of typical college students. And you don’t quite know what type of information will come first, second, third, etc.

Realize that a thesis sentence offers a range of possibilities for specificity and organization. As a writer, you may opt to pique reader interest by being very specific or not fully specific in your thesis sentence. The point here is that there’s no one standard way to write a thesis sentence.

Sometimes a writer is more or less specific depending on the reading audience and the effect the writer wants to create. Sometimes a writer puts the angle first and the topic last in the sentence, or sometimes the angle is even implied. You need to gauge your reading audience and you need to understand your own style as a writer. The only basic requirements are that the thesis sentence needs a topic and an angle. The rest is up to you.

COMMON PROBLEMS

problem-solution

Although you have creative control over your thesis sentence, you still should try to avoid the following problems, not for stylistic reasons, but because they indicate a problem in the thinking that underlies the thesis sentence.

Thesis Sentence too Broad

Hospice workers need support.The sentence above actually is a thesis sentence; it has a topic (hospice workers) and an angle (need support). But the angle is very broad. When the angle in a thesis sentence is too broad, the writer may not have carefully thought through the specific support for the rest of the writing. A thesis angle that’s too broad makes it easy to fall into the trap of offering information that deviates from that angle.

Thesis Sentence too Narrow

Hospice workers have a 55% turnover rate compared to the general health care population’s 25% turnover rate.The above sentence really isn’t a thesis sentence at all, because there’s no angle idea to support. A narrow statistic, or a narrow statement of fact, doesn’t offer the writer’s own ideas or analysis about a topic. A clearer example of a thesis statement with an angle of development would be the following:

*The high turnover rate in hospice workers (55 percent) compared to the general health care population (25 percent) indicates a need to develop support systems to reverse this trend.

 

Where to Place a Thesis?

In the U.S., it’s customary for most academic writers to put the thesis sentence somewhere toward the start of the essay or research paper. The focus here is on offering the main results of your own thinking in your thesis angle and then providing evidence in the writing to support your thinking.

A legal comparison might help to understand thesis placement. If you have seen television shows or movies with courtroom scenes, the lawyer usually starts out by saying, “My client is innocent!” to set the scene, and then provides different types of evidence to support that argument. Academic writing in the U.S. is similar; your thesis sentence provides your main assertion to set the scene of the writing, and then the details and evidence in the rest of the writing support the assertion in the thesis sentence.

NOTE: Although the usual pattern is “thesis sentence toward the start,” there may be reasons to place the thesis elsewhere in the writing. You may decide to place the thesis sentence at the end of the writing if your purpose is to gradually induce a reading audience to understand and accept your assertion. You may decide to place the thesis sentence in the middle of the writing if you think you need to provide relatively complicated background information to your readers before they can understand the assertion in your thesis.

 

As a writer, you have the option of placing the thesis anywhere in the writing. But, as a writer, you also have the obligation to make the thesis sentence idea clear to your readers. Beginning writers usually stick with “thesis sentence toward the start,” as it makes the thesis prominent in the writing and also reminds them that they need to stick with providing evidence directly related to that thesis sentence’s angle.

THESIS CREATION

HourglassAt what point do you write a thesis sentence? Of course, this varies from writer to writer and from writing assignment to writing assignment. You’ll usually do some preliminary idea development first before a thesis idea emerges. And you’ll usually have a working thesis before you do the bulk of your research, or before you fully create the supporting details for your writing.

Think of the thesis as the mid-point of an hourglass.

You develop ideas for writing and prewriting, using various strategies until a main idea or assertion emerges. This main idea or assertion becomes your point to prove—your working thesis sentence.

Once you have a working thesis sentence with your main idea, you can then develop more support for that idea, but in a more focused way that deepens your thinking about the thesis angle.

Realize that a thesis is really a working thesis until you finalize the writing. As you do more focused research or develop more focused support, your thesis may change a bit. Just make sure that you retain the basic thesis characteristics of the topic and angle.

THESIS CHECKLIST

When you draft a working thesis, it can be helpful to review the guidelines for a strong thesis. The checklist below is a helpful tool you can use to check your thesis once you have it drafted.

 

SEE IT IN PRACTICE

In the videocast below, our student writer takes a closer look at her thesis from her rough draft introduction and makes some revisions based on the things she has learned about a good thesis in The Writing Process.

 

THESIS STATEMENT ACTIVITY

 

After completing this activity, you may download or print a completion report that summarizes your results.

ARGUMENTATIVE THESIS ACTIVITY

After completing this activity, you may download or print a completion report that summarizes your results.

ANALYZE THIS

Before you try to develop a thesis of your own, it can be helpful to see how another author presents an argumentative thesis.

In this Analyze This video, watch as one student shares a short analysis of an online article (Live and Learn) with a specific focus on locating and evaluating the thesis. The student will share a summary of the article and then explore the author’s thesis in the article.

 

SEE IT IN PRACTICE

Now that you have learned about the importance of developing a strong argumentative thesis for your argumentative essay, it’s time to visit our student who is engaging in her own argumentative writing process.

In this video, watch as she shares her drafts of thesis statements and her process of arriving at a good working thesis, which will guide her throughout the rest of her writing process.


PARAGRAPHING

“Health Policy Program Mission Statement, p.1” by New America is marked with CC BY 2.0.

The paragraph is the building block of essay writing. The word itself, according to the Oxford Dictionary Online (2015), is defined as “a distinct section of a piece of writing, usually dealing with a single theme and indicated by a new line, indentation, or numbering.”

Paragraphs can be shown through breaks between lines or through indentations of the first line of the paragraph. Paragraphs are important for ease of reading; they help to offer ideas in “chunks” that the eye and brain can more easily comprehend (as opposed to offering information in one large block of text, which is hard to read).

Paragraphs are necessary in academic writing to show changes in ideas or further development of ideas. In academic writing, paragraphs present mini ideas that often develop out of the thesis sentence’s main idea.

Example:

Thesis Sentence

  • A regular exercise regimen creates multiple benefits, both physical and emotional.

Beginnings of Paragraphs

  • One physical benefit of having a regular exercise regimen is longevity. Recent studies have shown that . . .
  • Exercise reduces heart and cholesterol rates when done at least three times per week . . .
  • Another physical benefit of regular exercise is that it results in stronger heart and lungs . . .
  • People who exercise regularly have less trouble with sleep disorders . . .
  • A benefit that spans the physical and emotional results of regular exercise is the release of endorphins, or substances produced by glands as a byproduct of exercise . . .
  • In multiple studies, regular exercise has been shown to reduce stress . . .
  • Because regular exercise often helps to slow the effects of aging and maintain a good body weight, people who exercise regularly experience the emotional benefits of good self-image and self-confidence in their looks . . .

 

Although all of these paragraph beginnings are related to the main idea of the benefits of exercise, they all show a slight shift in content, as the writer moves from one benefit to another.

TOPIC SENTENCES

SignsIn academic writing, many paragraphs or groups of paragraphs start with topic sentences, which are like mini-thesis statements. Topic sentences are idea indicators, or “signs” that help guide a reader along from idea to idea.

Topic sentences have a topic and an angle, just like thesis sentences. But the angle of topic sentences usually is smaller in range than that of the thesis sentence. Very often the topic remains the same from thesis to the topic sentence, while the angle shifts as the writer brings in various types of ideas and research to support the angle in the thesis.

Look at this sample again; these are topic sentences created from the thesis sentence. The topic remains the same in all (regular exercise) and the overall angle remains the same (benefits). But the angle narrows and shifts slightly from topic sentence to topic sentence as the writer brings in different supporting ideas and research.

Thesis Sentence Topic Angle
A regular exercise regime creates multiple benefits, both physical and emotional. Regular exercise Physical and emotional benefits
Topic Sentence Topic Angle
One physical benefit of having a regular exercise regime is longevity. Recent studies have shown that… Regular exercise Physical benefit of longevity
Exercise reduces heart and cholesterol rates when done at least three times per week… Regular exercise Physical benefit of reduced cholesterol
Another physical benefit of regular exercise is that it results in a stronger heart and lungs… Regular exercise Physical benefit of stronger heart and lungs
People who exercise regularly have less trouble with sleep disorders… Regular exercise Physical benefit of less trouble sleeping
A benefit that spans the physical and emotional results of regular exercise is the release of endorphins or substances produced by glands as a byproduct of exercise… Regular exercise Physical and emotional benefits of endorphins
In multiple studies, regular exercise has been shown to reduce stress… Regular exercise Emotional benefit of reduced stress
Because regular exercise often helps to slow the effects of aging and maintain a good body weight, people who exercise regularly experience the emotional benefits of good self-image and self-confidence in their looks… Regular exercise Emotional benefit of better self-image & confidence

Realize that all paragraphs do not need topic sentences. Sometimes, you may need multiple paragraphs to help explain one topic sentence, because you have a lot of supporting information.

REMEMBER: You need a topic sentence for each group of paragraphs in a piece of academic writing.

 

PARAGRAPHING & TRANSITIONING

Transition Words
Time Place Idea Summarizing
Before long On the patio Another reason Finally
Later that day In the kitchen Also In conclusion
Late last night At the cottage In addition To conclude
The next day In the backyard For example To summarize
After a while When we went to the store To illustrate In summary
Meanwhile Nearby For instance To sum up
Sometimes Adjacent to Likewise In short
Following Wherever However As you can see
Subsequently Opposite to In contrast For all of those reasons

When to Paragraph

How do you know when “enough is enough”—when you have enough information in one paragraph and have to start a new one? A very rough guide is that you need more than one or two paragraphs per page of type. Paragraphing conventions online require even shorter paragraphs, with multiple short paragraphs on one screen.

It’s best to deal with paragraphs as part of the revision step in the writing process. Find places where the information shifts in focus and put paragraph breaks in those places. You can do your best to paragraph as you draft but know you’ll address paragraphing more during the revision process.

Linking Paragraphs: Transitions

Transitions are words or phrases that indicate linkages in ideas. When writing, you need to lead your readers from one idea to the next, showing how those ideas are logically linked. Transition words and phrases help you keep your paragraphs and groups of paragraphs logically connected for a reader. Writers often check their transitions during the revising stage of the writing process.

Here are some examples of transition words to help as you transition both within paragraphs and from one paragraph to the next.

 

Transition Word / Phrase: Shows:
and, also, again More of the same type of information is coming; information expands on the same general idea.
but, or, however, in contrast Different information is coming, information that may counteract what was just said.
as a result, consequently, therefore Information that is coming is a logical outgrowth of the ideas just presented.
for example, to illustrate The information coming will present a specific instance, or present a concrete example of an abstract idea.
particularly important, note that The information coming emphasizes the importance of an idea.
in conclusion The writing is ending.

SEE IT IN PRACTICE

In this videocast, our student writer takes a look at one of the paragraphs she has drafted for her essay. She discusses the transitions and transitional words she uses in her paragraph to help connect her ideas within the paragraph and to make a transition to the next paragraph in her essay.

 

ESSAY WRITING

A college essay goes by many names: paper, research paper, essay, theme. Most of these names refer to a piece of writing in which you offer your own idea about a topic. This concept is really important. The purpose of most college essay writing assignments is not for you to find and directly report the information you find. Instead, it’s to think about the information you find, come up with your own idea or assertion about your topic, and then provide the support that shows why you think that way.

Another thing to remember about a college essay is that, in most cases, a writing process is emphasized. Following a thorough writing process, like the one described for you here,  will lead you to a better product. Although you may have some timed writings in college, most of your college essays will involve a writing process. When you use a strong writing process, you’re working to create your very best work!

The video below shows real students from a college writing class talking about writing for college and what they learned from taking a college writing class.

TRADITIONAL ESSAY STRUCTURE

Although college essays can offer ideas in many ways, one standard structure for expository essays is to offer the main idea or assertion early in the essay, and then offer categories of support.

Thinking again about how a lawyer makes a case, one way to think about this standard structure is to compare it to a courtroom argument in a television drama. The lawyer asserts, “My client is not guilty.” Then the lawyer provides different reasons for lack of guilt: no physical evidence placing the client at the crime scene, the client had no motive for the crime and more.

In writing terms, the assertion is the thesis sentence, and the different reasons are the topic sentences.

Example:

Thesis Sentence (assertion):
The 21st-century workforce requires a unique set of skills.

Topic Sentence (reason) #1:
Workers need to learn how to deal with change.

Topic Sentence (reason) #2:
Because of dealing with such a rapidly changing work environment, 21st-century workers need to learn how to learn.

Topic Sentence (reason) #3:
Most of all, in order to negotiate rapid change and learning, workers in the 21st century need good communication skills.

 

As you can see, the supporting ideas in an essay develop out of the main assertion or argument in the thesis sentence.

 

TRADITIONAL STRUCTURE ACTIVITY

An essay is based on a series of ideas and assertions in the thesis and topic sentences (which are like mini thesis sentences). But an essay is more than a series of ideas. An essay expands on its thesis and topic sentence ideas with examples, explanations, and information. An essay also leads the reader into the thesis sentence idea, supports that idea and convinces the reader of its validity, and then re-emphasizes the main idea. In other words, an essay has an introduction, body, and conclusion.

The first interaction below will review your knowledge; the second will test your knowledge.

 


ROUGH DRAFTS

In this section, you have been learning about traditional structures for expository essays (essays that are thesis-based and offer a point-by-point body), but no matter what type of essay you’re writing, the rough draft is going to be an important part of your writing process. It’s important to remember that your rough draft is a long way from your final draft, and you will engage in revision and editing before you have a draft that is ready to submit.

Sometimes, keeping this in mind can help you as you draft. When you draft, you don’t want to feel like “this has to be perfect.” If you put that much pressure on yourself, it can be really difficult to get your ideas down.

The sample rough draft on the right shows you an example of just how much more work a rough draft can need, even a really solid first draft. Take a look at this example with notes a student wrote on her rough draft. Once you complete your own rough draft, you will want to engage in a revision and editing process that involves feedback, time, and diligence on your part. The steps that follow in this section of the Excelsior OWL will help!

Rough Draft Example

Rough_Draft_Image

SEE IT IN PRACTICE

Using the information from this section on developing a clear structure for a college essay, our student has now established a plan for her essay and has created a visual to help illustrate what her final essay will look like. In the video, she discusses her introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

 

 


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ENG101 for Health Sciences Copyright © by Lori Walk; Christine Jones; and Aaron Fried is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.

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