Purposeful Connectedness

Purposeful connectedness involves nurturing your need for social connection as well as your need for meaning and purpose. A healthy and successful college experience also depends on your connection to campus life. College students who feel connected to their school are more likely to achieve higher grades, score higher on tests, and have better attendance and retention rates (APA, 2014).

Social Connection

High-quality relationships are..”like a healthy blood vessel that connects part of our body between two people allows the transfer of nutrients; it is flexible, strong, and resilient.”

~Jane Dutton

The human brain is designed for social connection. Communication and building relationships begin as soon as we are born. A number of studies have shown that social connectedness has enormous benefits to one’s physical, mental, and emotional health (Martino et al., 2015). Despite social connection being a basic human need, we often prefer being alone to avoid feeling insecure. A lack of social connectedness, on the other hand, is associated with poorer mental, cognitive, and physical health, more stress, as well as feelings of loneliness, depression, and anxiety (Novotney, 2019).

College students become overwhelmed with assignments, exams, family obligations, and financial responsibilities, so they have less time for meaningful connections. However, our chances of being happy, healthy, and well-adjusted are higher when we regularly interact with friends and family and participate in clubs, hobbies, and other organized group activities (Martino et al., 2015). Self-care enhances the sense of belonging and closeness that comes from social connections. Being purposefully connected involves having healthy relationships with friends, family, classmates, and the educational community. It also implies taking an interest in and caring about the needs of others and our human community. It is important to remember that in order for us to remain healthy and connected, our relationships require ongoing maintenance. This means spending quality time together, doing something that creates positive feelings toward each other, and expressing gratitude for the attributes and actions we appreciate about our loved ones.

Participating in Groups and Activities

College campuses offer a wide range of clubs, organizations, and other activities open to all students. College administrators view this as a significant benefit and work to promote student involvement in such groups. When you made your decision to attend your college, you likely received printed materials or studied the college’s website and saw many opportunities. But you may have been so busy attending to academic matters that you haven’t thought of these groups since. It’s a good time now to check out the possibilities:

• Browse the college website, where you’re likely to find links to pages for student clubs and organizations.
• Watch for club fairs, open houses, and similar activities on campus. Especially near the beginning of the year, an activity fair may include tables set up by many groups to provide students with information. Talk with the representatives from any group in which you may be interested.
• Look for notices on bulletin boards around campus. Student groups really do want new students to join, so they usually try to post information where you can find it.
• Stop by the appropriate college office, such as the student affairs or student activities office, or cultural center. Click here to learn more about MCC’s Student Life
• If you are looking for a group with very specialized interests, check with the academic offices of departments where many students with that interest may be majoring.
• Consider a wide variety of types of organizations. Some are primarily social; some are political or activist; some are based on hobbies (photography, chess, equestrianism, bird watching, video gaming, computer programming); some involve the arts (instrumental music, choral singing, painting, poetry writing, drama club); some are forms of physical recreation (rock-climbing, ballroom dancing, archery, yoga, table tennis, tai chi, team sports); some focus on volunteerism (tutoring other students, community service projects, food drives); and others are related to academic or intellectual pursuits (nursing club, math club, chess club, engineering club, debate club, student literary magazine).
• Consider other forms of involvement and roles beyond clubs. Gain leadership experience by running for office in student government or applying for a residence hall support position. If you are looking for a job, consider what kinds of people you’ll have the opportunity to interact with.
• If your campus doesn’t have a group focused on a particular activity you enjoy yourself, think about starting a new club. Your college will help you get started; talk with the student activities or affairs office.

Keep an open mind as you meet and observe other students in the group, especially if you don’t feel at first like you fit in. Remember that part of the benefit of the experience is to meet others who are not necessarily just like everyone you already know.

Are You Shy?

If you’re shy, try meeting and talking to people in situations where you can interact one-to-one, such as talking with another student after class. Start with what you have in common—“How’d you do on the test?”—and let the conversation grow from there. Avoid the emotional trap of thinking everyone but you is making new friends and start some conversations with others who look interesting to you. You’ll soon find other “shy” or quiet people eager to interact with you as well and get to know you.

Shy people may be more likely to feel lonely at times, especially while still feeling new at college. However, loneliness is usually a temporary emotional state.

Loneliness

Loneliness is a normal feeling that most people experience at some time. College students away from home for the first time are likely to feel lonely at first. Older students may also feel lonely if they no longer see their old friends. Loneliness involves not feeling connected with others. One person may need only one friend to not feel lonely; others need to feel more connected with a group. There’s no set pattern for feeling lonely.

If you are feeling lonely, there are many things you can do to meet others and feel connected. Don’t sit alone in your room bemoaning the absence of friends. That will only cause more stress and emotional distress. You will likely start making new friends by going to classes, working, studying, and living in the community. But you can jump-start that process by taking active steps such as these:

• Realize you don’t have to be physically near to friends in order to stay connected. Many students use social Web sites to stay connected with friends at other colleges or in other locations. Telephone calls, instant messaging, and e-mail work for many.
• Understand that you’re not alone in feeling lonely. Many others like you are just waiting for the opportunity to connect, and you will meet them and form new friendships fast once you start reaching out.
• Become involved in campus opportunities to meet others. Every college has a wide range of clubs for students with different interests. If you’re not the “joiner” type, look for individuals in your classes with whom you think you may have something in common and ask them if they’d like to study for a test together or work together on a class project.
• Remember that loneliness is a temporary thing—it’s only a matter of time until you make new friends.

If your loneliness persists and you seem unable to make friends, then it’s a good idea to talk with a counselor. They can help.

Connect with Purpose and Meaning

If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable. ~Seneca

Purposeful connection aims to promote wellness by engaging in meaningful activities that contribute to growth and fulfillment. It involves getting connected to a clear sense of direction and the meaning in your efforts, which can include something that is greater than yourself. You can nurture your connection to your purpose and meaning in several ways, such as taking some time away from your daily tasks to get quiet and tune into your inner guide, or spending time exploring career and educational pathways to fulfill your desire to do work that is meaningful to both yourself and others, or by connecting with something bigger than yourself such as worshipping in a faith community, spending time in nature, praying or meditating, practicing yoga, or journaling.