“Communication works for those that work at it.” John Powell

Chapter 2 Using the tools

Using these tools for Self-Awareness Building

The concepts and tools in this chapter are wonderful tools to prompt personal reflection that moves us one step closer to understanding who we are and what is important to us. We looked at how we:

• gain energy
• process information
• make decision
• plan projects and processes
• prioritize our values
• perceive the world and people around us
• attribute characteristics and ideas to people and situations

All these little pieces of ourselves give us insight into what could potentially cause conflict in our lives.  Starting from a place of understanding yourself and what causes conflict for you allows you to intentionally choose where you have room to improve your capacity to manage conflict productively. As we will see in future chapters, understanding yourself is the foundation to being assertive and drawing boundaries in your life, listening to others and being empathetic, and even giving good feedback.

Using these tools for Other Awareness Building

Just as much as these tools can be used for self reflection and understanding yourself, they can also be used for understanding other people and how they:

• gain energy
• process information
• make decision
• plan projects and processes
• prioritize our values
• perceive the world and people around us
• attribute characteristics and ideas to people and situations

These tools and frameworks are a first step on the path to understanding others. A we saw in this chapter, we can all fall under the false consensus error, where we overestimate our similarity with others and miss out on really amazing part of who people are without ever knowing it.

Using these tools for Relationship Building

Leveraging these tools and frameworks allow us to look for and identify our similarities and to embrace our differences as natural and normal. Once we understand and recognize who we are and how we may differ from others, we can work to embrace our differences and have them be benefits in our relationships.

Recognizing and embracing differences with a future focus in how we:

• gain energy
• process information
• make decision
• plan projects and processes
• prioritize our values
• perceive the world and people around us
• attribute characteristics and ideas to people and situations

Now we understand what conversations to have with our family, friends, and coworkers about how to manage our differences and therefore truly manage conflict before is starts. If I know that I have a friend that is different than me in how we gain energy, or how we make decisions, we can address that difference up front by simply starting the conversation with a question, “what do you need in this moment to be the best version of yourself?” and sharing what you need in return. So instead of differences being the cause of conflict, they become the foundation of lasting and meaningful relationships.