5.7 Social Media and Relationships
Learning Objectives
- Explain self-disclosure in an online environment.
- Use privacy settings to protect information.
- Discuss social media and interpersonal relationships
- Explain online dating advantages and disadvantages
- Explore the dangers of online communication
Social Media and Relationships
We spend much of our time on new media designed to connect us with others. We present an online identity we want others to see using self-disclosure. While social media allows us to create and maintain relationships, there are dangers in sharing information in an online environment. This section explores some of the characteristics of social media and relationships.
Online self-disclosure
Previously we discussed the Johari Window and how we use self-disclosure to choose how much of ourselves we reveal to others.
Regarding social media, The Johari Window becomes an interesting theory to explore. When you edit your online profile, you disclose information about yourself to others. Depending on how you have adjusted privacy settings, your entire profile (ie- your self-disclosure) and posts can be viewed by anyone. So, what should be a reciprocal exchange, has become a one sided exchange. The idea that someone you don’t even know could be reading information about you means that you have self-disclosed “whether purposeful or not. People protect the exchange of information by using privacy settings on social media.
Monitoring and controling self-disclosure online
Be wary of what you post on your social media accounts and be sure to review the privacy settings to meet your needs.
1. Use Your Friend Lists
You can create Friend Lists for all of your organizational needs, allowing you to quickly view friends by type and send messages to your lists. There are a few very important things to remember about friend lists:
- You can add each friend to more than one friend group
- Friend groups should be used like “tags” as used elsewhere around the web
- Friend Lists can have specific privacy policies applied to them
2. Remove Yourself from Search Results
As a professional, you may not want people you work with to see personal information. There are numerous reasons that individuals don’t want their information to show up in search results on social media, and it’s simple to turn off your public visibility via settings.
3. Remove Yourself from Google
Typical information displayed in a search profile is limited to your profile picture, a list of your friends, a link to add you as a friend, and a link to send you a message. By visiting the privacy settings page listed in some social media apps settings, you can control the visibility of your public search listing which is visible to Google and other search engines.
4. Avoid the Infamous Photo/Video Tag Mistake
This is the classic social media problem. You let loose for a few hours one night (or day) and photos (or videos) of the moment are suddenly posted for all to view, not just your close friends who shared the moment with you. The result can be devastating. Some people have been fired from work after incriminating photos/videos were posted for the boss to see. For others, randomly tagged photos/videos have ended relationships.
5. Protect Against Published Application Stories
Frequently when you add an application, a news feed item is immediately published to your profile. That’s why it’s important to monitor what takes place after you install an application on social media platforms. Once you install an application you should visit your profile to ensure that no notification has been posted to your profile.
More often than not, nothing will be posted, but there are many applications on the platform unfortunately that publish stories without you knowing it. There are two ways to avoid having this happen: don’t visit applications or scan your profile every time that you do. Ultimately you shouldn’t be concerned about applications that you’ve built a trusted relationship with but any new applications could potentially post embarrassing notifications.
6. Make Your Contact Information Private
For each contact item that you have in your profile, you should set custom privacy settings so that contacts that you aren’t close to don’t have access to your phone number and/or email. It’s a small change but it can save you the hassle of being pestered by people you don’t know well. Also, protecting your privacy is generally a good practice to get in the habit of doing.
As we previously established, self-disclosure is a fundamental building block of interpersonal relationships. Social media make self-disclosures easier for many people because of the lack of immediacy, meaning that a message is sent through electronic means arouses less anxiety or inhibition than would a face-to-face exchange. SNSs can provide opportunities for social support. Research has found that Facebook communication behaviors such as “friending” someone or responding to a request posted on someone’s wall lead people to feel a sense of attachment and perceive that others are reliable and helpful (Vitak & Ellison). We can also join groups of interest that allow us to self-disclosure and build relationships with people.
Social Media’s Influence on Interpersonal Relationships
How do social media affect our interpersonal relationships, if at all? This question has been addressed by scholars, commentators, and people in general. Similar questions and concerns have been raised along with each major change in communication technology to provide some perspective. Social media, however, have been the primary communication change of the past few generations, which likely accounts for the attention they receive. Some scholars in sociology have decried the negative effects of new technology on society and relationships in particular, saying that the quality of relationships is deteriorating and the strength of connections is weakening (Richardson & Hessey, 2009).
Social media has created a rift between us instead of building meaningful relationships. The way these platforms have been made invites us to argue instead of discuss opinions. There are so many possible positives of social media – we must be conscious of how we act and react.
Building Positive Relationships on Social Media from AlphaOmega on Vimeo.
Facebook greatly influenced our use of the word friend, although people’s conceptions may not have changed as much. When someone “friends you” on social media, it doesn’t automatically mean that you now have the closeness and intimacy that you have with some offline friends. Early research showed that people don’t regularly accept friend requests from or send them to people they haven’t met, preferring instead to have met a person at least once (Richardson & Hessey, 2009). Some users, though, engage in what is called “friend-collecting behavior,” which entails friending people they don’t know personally or wouldn’t talk to in person to increase the size of their online network (Christofides, Muise, & Desmarais, 2012). As we will discuss later, this could be an impression management strategy, as the user may assume that many social media friends will make him or her appear more popular to others.
Although many have critiqued the watering down of the term friend when applied to Social networking sites (SNSs), some scholars have explored how the creation of these networks affects our interpersonal relationships and may even restructure how we think about our relationships. Even though a person may have hundreds of friends that he or she doesn’t regularly interact with on- or offline, just knowing that the network exists in a somewhat tangible form can be comforting. Even the people who are distant acquaintances but are “friends” on SNS can serve essential functions. Rather than users seeing these connections as pointless, frivolous, or stressful, they are often comforting background presences. Such networks can be beneficial, because when needed, a person may be able to more easily tap into that dormant network than an offline extended network. It’s almost like being friends on SNS keeps the communication line open because both people can keep up with their lives even without directly communicating. This can help sustain tenuous friendships or past friendships and prevent them from fading away, which, as we learned, is a common occurrence as we go through various life changes.
Impression Management
A key part of interpersonal communication is impression management, and some forms of new media allow us more tools for presenting ourselves than others. SNS in many ways are platforms for self-presentation. Even more than blogs, web pages, and smartphones, the environment on an SNS like TikTok, Instagram, or Twitter facilitates self-disclosure in a directed way and allows others who have access to our profile to see our other “friends.” This convergence of different groups of people (close friends, family, acquaintances, friends of friends, colleagues, and strangers) can present challenges for self-presentation. Research shows half of all US adults have a profile on Facebook or another SNS (Vitak & Ellison). The fact that Facebook has expanded to different generations of users has coined a new phrase—“the graying of Facebook.” This is due to a large increase in users over the age of fifty-five. In fact, it has been stated that the fastest-growing Facebook user group is women fifty-five and older, up more than 175 percent since the fall of 2008 (Gates, 2009). So now we likely have people from personal, professional, and academic contexts in our online network, and those people are now more likely than ever to be from multiple generations. The growing diversity of our social media networks creates new challenges as we try to engage in impression management.
We should be aware that people form impressions of us based not just on what we post on our profiles but also on our friends and the content they post on our profiles. In short, as in our offline lives, we are judged online by the company we keep (Walther et al., 2008). The difference is, though, that online (unless blocked or limited by privacy settings), people can see our entire online social network and friends, which doesn’t happen offline. The information on our profiles is also archived, meaning there is a record that doesn’t exist in offline interactions. Recent research found that a person’s perception of a profile owner’s attractiveness is influenced by the attractiveness of the friends shown on the profile. In short, a profile owner is judged more physically attractive when his or her friends are judged as physically attractive, and vice versa. The study also found that complementary and friendly statements made about profile owners on their wall or on profile comments increased perceptions of the profile owner’s social attractiveness and credibility. An interesting, but not surprising, gender double standard also emerged. When statements containing sexual remarks or references to the profile owner’s excessive drinking were posted on the profile, perceptions of attractiveness increased if the profile owner was male and decreased if female (Walther et al., 2008).
Networking
The space provided by SNSs can also help reduce some of the stress we feel in regard to relational maintenance or staying in touch by allowing for more convenient contact. The expectations for regular contact with our online friends who are in our extended network are minimal. An occasional comment on a photo or status update or an even easier click on the “like” button can help maintain those relationships. However, when we post something asking for information, help, social support, or advice, those in the extended network may play a more critical role and allow us to access resources and viewpoints beyond those in our closer circles. And research shows that many people ask for informational help through their status updates (Vitak & Ellison).
These extended networks serve important purposes, one of which is to provide access to new information and different perspectives than those we may get from close friends and family. For example, since we tend to have significant others that are more similar to and different from us, the people closest to us are likely to share many or most of our beliefs, attitudes, and values. Extended contacts, however, may expose us to different political views or new sources of information, which can help broaden our perspectives. The content in this section likely captures what you have already experienced in your own engagement with new media—that new media have important implications for our interpersonal relationships.
“Getting Competent”
Using Social Media Competently
We all have a growing log of personal information stored on the Internet, and some of it is under our control and some of it isn’t. We also have increasingly diverse social networks that require us to be cognizant of the information we make available and how we present ourselves. While we can’t control all the information about ourselves online or the impressions people form, we can more competently engage with social media so that we are getting the most out of it in both personal and professional contexts.
A quick search on Google for “social media dos and don’ts” will yield around 100,000 results, which shows that there’s no shortage of advice about how to competently use social media. I’ll offer some of the most important dos and don’ts that I found that relate to communication (Doyle, 2012). Feel free to do your own research on specific areas of concern.
Be consistent. Given that most people have multiple social media accounts, it’s important to have some degree of consistency. At least at the top level of your profile (the part that isn’t limited by privacy settings), include information that you don’t mind anyone seeing.
Know what’s out there. Since the top level of many social media sites are visible in Google search results, you should monitor how these appear to others by regularly (about once a month) doing a Google search using various iterations of your name. Putting your name in quotation marks will help target your results. Make sure you’re logged out of all your accounts and then click on the various results to see what others can see.
Think before you post. Software that enable people to take “screen shots” or download videos and tools that archive web pages can be used without our knowledge to create records of what you post. While it is still a good idea to go through your online content and “clean up” materials that may form unfavorable impressions, it is even a better idea to not put that information out there in the first place. Posting something about how you hate school or your job or a specific person may be done in the heat of the moment and forgotten, but a potential employer might find that information and form a negative impression even if it’s months or years old.
Be familiar with privacy settings. If you are trying to expand your social network, it may be counterproductive to put your Facebook or Twitter account on “lockdown,” but it is beneficial to know what levels of control you have and to take advantage of them. For example, I have a “Limited Profile” list on Facebook to which I assign new contacts or people with whom I am not very close. You can also create groups of contacts on various social media sites so that only certain people see certain information.
Be a gatekeeper for your network. Do not accept friend requests or followers that you do not know. Not only could these requests be sent from “bots” that might skim your personal info or monitor your activity; they could be from people that might make you look bad. Remember, we learned earlier that people form impressions based on those with whom we are connected. You can always send a private message to someone asking how he or she knows you or do some research by Googling his or her name or username.
- Identify information that you might want to limit for each of the following audiences: friends, family, and employers.
- Google your name (remember to use multiple forms and to put them in quotation marks). Do the same with any usernames that are associated with your name (e.g., you can Google your Twitter handle or an e-mail address). What information came up? Were you surprised by anything?
- What strategies can you use to help manage the impressions you form on social media?
Online Dating
A significant part of human social life is organized around who we form lasting romantic relationships with. The online world, once idealized as a place of anonymity and separation from offline life, now has networks devoted to replicating offline life online, and building networks of relationships. These interconnected relationships are what experts really mean when we talk about social networks, which sociologists began studying decades before online social networking sites existed.
DATING ON SOCIAL MEDIA: AUTHENTICITY VS. STRUCTURE
Student Content, Fall 2020
Boyfriends and Social Media
What Social Media Means to Me
For me social media has always been a safe space for me to be my authentic self. Starting it in the 5th grade, I had no intent to show off or impress anyone. I would post maybe five times a day and I wouldn’t even care what I posted about. However, I noticed recently that I have started to fold into the mix of overthinking instagram and thinking too much about the traditions within it.
Instagram is so big that it has its own culture, its own language, its own traditions. And as users we have the option to adhere to these or follow our own path. The societal pressure, and especially being 19, it’s hard to not just follow the status quo. I have tried to go down my own path of not caring what other people think about my profile, but over time it has gotten harder to not just post for me. You find yourself wanting to post to impress your mom, friends, and other acquaintances.
In my podcast I discuss with my boyfriend Alec, the peer pressure I felt of us posting about each other for the first time. As a guy, who despite his resistance, follows his own set of traditions on social media. We relayed how as a culture we perform or act on our posts. As a little girl the biggest deal to me was to be able to post pictures of my boyfriend as I got older because that’s what I saw my older cousins do and what I was looking forward to be able to do. When Alec and I were able to visit each other during the summer, I knew that we had to get the perfect photo for instagram. And for the most part there were great moments of just us living in the moment, which I really tried to stick with, but then I remembered the pressure I felt. This pressure stems from years of social anxiety and having my ow insecurities.
Talking with Alec made me realize how much power I give social media, and I think that goes with a lot of other people. We are given these standards or traditions and told to stick with them, and if we don’t we will be criticized. And I think that nowadays there is too much power that social media gets, power I no longer want to give. I mean, instead of enjoying time in front of the golden gate bridge with my boyfriend, I made us put up a facade that we were having a perfect time. And as much as it was great, it wasn’t perfect, because nothing is!
Overall, what I learned from this experience and being able to state it out loud was that I no longer want social media to have power over me. I want to be able to have freedom and express whatever I want. Whether that’s a political opinion, an outfit I would have otherwise not shown, or really goofy photos that I would have normally been too embarrassed to share. For the sake of my mental health and overall enjoyment of the app, I want to let social media be fun and not always have to follow the typical traditions that come with it.
About the Author
Alyssa De Leon is a current sophomore at the University of Arizona. She is a film and television major from northern California. She spends quarantine watching reality tv and baking.
In a 2014 article entitled From Facebook to Cell Calls, Yang and coauthors found that college students progressed through layers of electronic intimacy – different media chosen as benchmarks in the progression of a romantic relationship. When they were interested in someone, they began by connecting with a “crush” through Facebook, which allowed the “crush” to see who their admirer’s friends were and how the admirer looked, communicated, and behaved. The next layer was instant messaging – direct communication, but not as direct as the use of one’s “digits” or cellular connection. After instant messaging, they moved to the more intimate sanctum of text messaging. The final step was a face-to-face meeting. Overall this sequence of media they used followed a pattern: they began by performing in front of and viewing one another’s social networks, they then moved into more direct one-on-one communication before meeting in person.
Data in the above study was likely collected in 2011 or 2012. So what might people like the participants in Yang and coauthors’ study be doing to find romance now, years later? While it may be different platforms, it is likely that at least some of the pursuits of romantic interests that happened through different media in the past is now consolidating in online dating sites. The Pew Research Center published a report in 2016 about the growing number of Americans who have used online dating. They found that online dating usage by those aged 18-24 has nearly tripled since 2013 and usage by those aged 55-64 has doubled; other age groups’ use has also increased.
Online dating apps afford the presentation of ourselves to prospective friends, partners, mates, and hookups. Users’ imagery and self-description on these apps tend to be idealized, sometimes to the point of deception. Apps such as settleforlove.com have been developed around the desire for more honesty in online dating, but their market share has not been spectacular. It seems upfront honesty is not the best way to gather a public of potential lovers.
Do dating apps also follow the sequence found in Yang and coauthors’ study, moving from social and tribal to direct connection? That depends. Some apps leave out learning about someone’s social connections, relying instead on complex algorithms to calculate who might be a good match – even if scientific evidence does not show that these algorithms work. Others just speed through the sequence by facilitating immediate direct connection, and in some cases, quick sex. Some use the language of sociality like “tribe,” and some connect you to matches through your social networks.
Dating apps today function more like online shopping than like relationship formation of the past. In the BBC Horizon film How to Find Love Online, the romance-focused anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher says they are better called “Introduction services,” with the act of dating and the final vetting is still conducted in person.
CONNECTING, TINDER, AND THE SOCIAL MEDIA COMA
Student Content
My Perspective on Social Media Use
Living in this day and age, social media is used by millions and millions of people all around the globe. I enjoy using social media for purposes such as being social (obviously), keeping in touch with my friends and family, expressing myself, sharing some of my own personal thoughts, beliefs, and opinions, and having a platform for myself to share whatever I want, whenever I want.
Social media usage comes with many benefits and positives. However, there are also many negatives that come along with being on social media. In my own personal experience, I have gotten my feelings hurt over seeing people doing something without inviting me, leaving me to feel left out and excluded. Also, people tend to be very harsh and rude over social media because they are behind a screen and not face to face. Therefore, they may be more confident in the cruel words that they are typing. I try to use my social media as a positive additive into my life. I feel like there is already so much hate, judgement, and negativity in the world, so why should there be any more from being on social media (which is supposed to be fun)? Personally, I choose to follow accounts that preach positivity and lift my spirit, and then unfollow all the others that do the opposite.
Social media can also be very time consuming. Some days I have found myself buried in my phone on the couch or laying in bed for hours upon hours as the day wasted away. I like to call this action a “social media coma.” It is moments like those that make me feel guilty and ashamed that I actually spent countless hours on my phone, examining other people’s lives, when I am actually wasting my own by doing so.
Another aspect of social media that I do not participate in, unlike many high school students, college students, and young adults is online dating/ hooking up apps. The most popular one among this generation is Tinder. Tinder is a “dating” app where you basically judge someone in a matter of a few seconds on their looks, age, name, location, and biography (if they have one). Then, you either swipe right or left, depending on if you like what you see or not. If you match with someone, meaning both people swipe right on each other, then you can arrange plans to start talking, hanging out, or whatever else. I have an old soul and would much rather find a life partner in a more natural way… say maybe bumping into someone at the grocery store and locking eyes and feeling immediate sparks (very cliche and seen in almost every rom-com, I know)! I don’t think that there is anything wrong or shameful about Tinder or other dating apps, but I just choose to not be a part of them.
Overall, social media is very prevalent in today’s society. It can provide countless opportunities and knowledge, just at the click of your fingers. I think that using social media in moderation is a good thing to do. People should also be uplifting, supportive, and kind to one another over the screen to help make social media a healthier, happier, and safer environment.
About the author
Marissa Farhi is a college student at the University of Arizona. She loves to work out, spend time with friends and family, and eat avocado toast.
The Risks of Social Media
So, there’s no doubt social media has been a real plus. But, as with nearly everything, there are downsides. This section explores some dangers of social media use.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is a form of bullying that takes place through cell phones, tablets, and computers. It can occur through social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and TikTok, but it also occurs through text messages, online gaming communities, and message boards such as Reddit. This form of bullying “includes sending, posting, or sharing negative, harmful, false, or mean content about someone else” (StopBullying.gov, 2021). A 2021 Pew Research survey found that 4 in 10 adults in the United States who use social media report being victimized by at least one type of bullying behavior online (Vogels, 2021). Online harassment is more common for younger adults (48% of adults aged 29 and younger), significantly more common for LGBTQIA+ adults than their straight peers (51% report being targeted). As compared to other groups, Black and Hispanic adults are more likely to report being harassed for their race. In addition, 20% of adults report being harassed because of their religion. Typical forms of online bullying include offensive name-calling, spreading false rumors, receiving explicit messages, physical threats, stalking behaviors (such as constant monitoring of location and company by someone other than a guardian), and personal explicit sharing without permission (i.e., revenge porn). One area that has witnessed disturbing growth is the proliferation of racial hostility.
Social media has created a space where messages of hate and prejudice have flourished. It is likely, if you are regularly on social media, that you have encountered racist and or sexist messages. Often racism, sexism, and other forms of prejudice are presented using covert tactics to mask the underlying hostility in the message, such as using memes, emojis, and GIFs as weapons (Matamoros-Fernandez, 2018; Jackson, 2017; Lamerichs, et al. 2018). For example, in November 2021, US Congressman Paul Gosar of Arizona posted an edited anime video of himself killing Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and attacking President Joe Biden, leading to a rare censure in Congress and removing him from his committee posts. After receiving widespread criticism for the posting, he tried to defend himself by saying, “Relax, it is a cartoon.” Most people who post hate messages are not famous, like Gosar, giving them a false sense of protection. Adding to the challenge, people often create fake identities to post racist messages, leaving victims with little recourse (Farkas et al., 2018).
Among the negative effects of social media is cyberbullying, which was detailed in the “Facebook Files” series. One researcher, for instance, believes the actions that trigger a bad online relationship likely are the same ones that trigger a bad relationship in real life – only the modality has changed. Discussing cyberbullying, he acknowledges that “the difference is more – more contact, more communication and in a more public manner.” Indeed, it’s not just “more,” but it’s also unrelenting, and it doesn’t just stay in one space but can follow the child home. One study (Bussey, 2015) examined the association between moral disengagement and cyberbullying and found high levels of moral disengagement among students who engage in cyberbullying. This led the authors to suggest that reducing cyberbullying will involve more than policies that sanction such behavior. Rather, factors that reduce moral disengagement processes need to be promoted.
Negative Impacts on Goals
Another problem is that right or wrong, good or bad, information found online can be used to determine career opportunities. Both colleges and potential employers are known for searching potential applicants’ online identities. Additionally, even though you got into the college or got the job, it doesn’t mean the search stops. Anything posted online can have negative consequences at any stage of your life.
The following video explains more about the potential dangers.
Sexting and Cyberstalking
The popular Netflix series You tells the tale of a charming serial killer who uses social media to feed his toxic obsessions and stalk his victims. Just as the show illustrates, social media platforms have provided new avenues for outlier communication behaviors, such as sexting and cyberstalking (Linvill, 2019). Sexting is the practice of sending and/or exchanging sexually themed images, videos, or messages on cell phones and through social media applications such as Snapchat. In some cases, the exchanges are mutual and welcome, but in many cases, sexting takes on a form of sexual harassment, such as when an abuser sends unwanted images to someone, or when someone has access to images that they then threaten to make public. One study of high school students found that 28% of high school sophomores and juniors had shared naked pictures of themselves through text or email, and 31% had requested naked pictures (Rosin, 2014). Social media sites have also contributed to a growth in cyberstalking, since these websites enable surveillance and voyeurism of often unwitting victims who provide a treasure-trove of personal information online. In the cases of both sexting and cyberstalking, laws have been slow to keep up with changes in technology, providing little protection for victims.
How do you protect yourself online?
Concordia University in Canada (2022) offers these 10 tips:
1. Be aware of what’s public. Google yourself regularly. Even better, create a Google Alert in your name.
2. Check your privacy settings often. They change all the time.
3. Don’t accept friend requests from strangers. Only accept friend requests from people you know on Snapchat, Facebook, and LinkedIn. When I submitted a friend request on Facebook, my friend reached out by email to verify that it was I.
4. Be careful when sharing your location. If you tell everyone you’re away on vacation, you may also be telling burglars you’re on vacation.
5. Review your tags.
6. Don’t share personal information online. That includes your phone number, home address, email address, or student ID number.
7. Don’t share anything you don’t want your grandmother to see. Assume that once you post it, it’s online forever.
8. Be aware of phishing scams. Don’t open suspicious emails or other messages. Don’t reply to them. Don’t click on links in the communication, and above all don’t provide your phone number, email address, or any other information on a web page to which you may be directed.
9. Keep an eye on your passwords.”
a. A good password should contain a few capital letters, numbers, and a symbol.
b. Don’t share your passwords and be sure to change them regularly. Also, make sure you have a password lock on your phone. Use apps like “Find My iPhone”(opens in new window) to protect the data on your phone should it be lost or stolen.
c. Always opt for two-way authentication whenever it’s available (i.e. when you need your username/password along with a piece of information that only you know, to log into a site).
d. Opt for email notifications for every log-in. Check third-party apps regularly to see which has automatic access to your social media accounts. De-authorize ones you’re no longer using.
10. Check community guidelines on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and others.
Time Risk
Social media provides a variety of entertaining and possibly addictive activities that can suck up users’ time. For example, research by Common Sense Media (2019) shows that the average person checks their cell phone more than 100 times a day (whether they receive a notification or not) and that approximately two-thirds of teens report accessing on-screen media up to 4 hours a day. Recent research indicates that the average person spends 145 minutes daily monitoring and posting in their social media accounts (Statista, 2021). This represents a major shift in how we use our daily time.
Communication Overload
Another concern is communication overload – learning to handle and make sense of the ever-increasing amount of information we have. We are constantly inundated with notifications, news, memes, photos, and advertisements at unbelievable speeds. We have a world of information at our fingertips at all times. We may be watching TV with our social media accounts, email, and news outlets open on our phones or tablets. We may be working while shopping online or checking for the latest and greatest posts.
But, you may say, “I’m a great multitasker. I can handle all that.” Maybe. But what do we mean by multitasking? One common definition is the cognitive ability to perform “multiple task goals in the same time period by engaging in frequent switches between individual tasks.” Other researchers call it “dual tasking” or “task switching.” People with high intelligence appear to be better able to multitask. But at least one study of college students in a classroom setting found clear decreases in performance when trying to attend to two tasks simultaneously. Another study showed the average college student sends 97 text messages daily, 71 of them while doing homework. Research has shown that attempting to attend to or process more than one task at a time overloads the capacity of the human information-processing study. (Jumco, 2012)
One of the reasons so many students and others felt extremely stressed during Covid19 was the increased use of online tools. That gave rise to cognitive overload, a state in which informational input exceeds cognitive capacities. But it wasn’t just students: Many office workers had similar experiences. Feeling overloaded by the use of digital tools can result in ineffective information processing, confusion, loss of control, psychological stress, and depressive symptoms.
In short, social media has several impacts on us: It can let us keep in touch with people far away, it can keep us up-to-date on news or other matters of interest. But social media also has some serious negatives.
Mental Health Concerns
In the fall of 2021, a former Facebook employee turned whistleblower revealed company documents showing that the social media giant was aware that Instagram could harm the mental health of children and teens (Romo, 2021). Although the revelation shocked many, research has identified a link between our mental health and the use of social media. First, researchers have found that over the past decade and a half, face-to-face interactions have declined as social media and electronic communication have increased (Twenge & Uhls, 2017). During the same period, researchers have found that self-reported rates of depression, anxiety, isolation, and suicidal thoughts have increased, leading many scholars to suggest that there may be a relationship to social media use (Twenge, et al., 2019; Vannucci, et al., 2017; Primack, et al., 2017; De Choudhury, et al., 2013). However, research is mixed, showing that modest digital communication and social media use can be linked to well-being and happiness (Davis, 2012). The mixed results of the research may indicate it is not social media per se, but how people use social media that impacts mental health. The increase in cyberbullying is just one way social media may negatively impact mental health.
Catfishing
Before the 2010 documentary Catfish, we only understood “catfish” to mean a hearty freshwater fish with long feelers that look like cat whiskers. Since Nev Schulman’s documentary aired, we’ve discovered a whole new meaning of catfish that has nothing to do with fish. Shulman has turned his documentary into a popular reality TV series on MTV. Catfishign is when someone makes a fake account on social media to lure people into a deceptive relationship. This modern definition has taken on quite a sinister connotation.
Since Catfish: The TV Show premiered on MTV in 2012, almost 200 episodes have been produced and aired. In each episode, the hosts try to unveil the identities of people involved in these mysterious online relationships. According to Social Catfish (a website that helps identify and verify people), there are five basic reasons people catfish others (Santiago, 2018).
- Revenge: Someone you know fakes an identity to lure you into a relationship only to reveal their identity, once they’ve gained your trust, for the purpose of hurting you.
- Catch a cheater: If someone suspects their significant other of cheating, they might set up a fake identity to try and prove unfaithfulness.
- Money: Scammers set up fake profiles with sob stories to try and defraud vulnerable people of money.
- Boredom: Some people are bored and catfish to entertain themselves.
- Insecure about themselves: Lots of catfishers lack the confidence to meet people and develop relationships in person, so they idealize themselves and hide behind a computer to pursue romanticized relationships.
So, how common is “catfishing?” Here are some interesting yet disturbing statistics:
- According to the FBI’s Internet Crime Report (Internet Crime Complaint Center, 2020), IC3 logged 23,751 cases of confidence fraud/romance scams in 2020. This resulted in the second largest financial loss due to internet crimes in 2020 at a cost of $600,249,821 to the victims. These numbers do not reflect the numerous catfishing scams that are unreported because victims are too ashamed to report the crime.
- By Facebook’s own reporting on its Transparency Center (Facebook – Meld je aan of registreer je, 2021), they took down 1.8 billion fake accounts in the 3rd quarter of 2021 alone (July–September). Clearly, setting up a fake account to prey on others is quite simple to accomplish on social media and dating sites.
- Women and people over the age of 60 are more likely to be victims of confidence fraud/romance scams (Better Business Bureau, 2020).
- Ryan Anderson (2016) cited a study completed by OpinionMatters, a global research agency. The study found 53% of online daters in the United States and the United Kingdom admitted to lying on their dating profiles. Over 20% of women misrepresented themselves by posting younger photos. This study revealed that men tended to lie about their financial situation, and women were more likely to lie about their age or appearance.
If you’ve ever watched Catfish: The TV Show you would take note of patterns of glaring red flags that signal someone is being catfished:
- The relationship moves very quickly. They refer to their victim as “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” and talk about “love” and their future together. This is all an effort to build and gain trust quickly to manipulate victims for what they want
- Catfishers avoid showing their faces. There’s always a convenient excuse why they cannot FaceTime or video chat (camera is broken, bad internet connection, not a good time…)
- Their story is too good to be true. Two of the most common professions catfishers use on the TV show indicate they are models or rappers. They have internet stalked people and “borrowed” their photos to help enhance their lies. One episode of Catfish even had the victim convinced he was in a relationship with Katy Perry (Season 5, Episode 15, 2016)
- They ask for money. You barely know this person, they won’t meet you in person, they are a good-looking model or a successful rapper, but they need money.
Responding to the Dark Side of Social Media
Because the dark side of social media is so prevalent in our lives, it is important to set healthy boundaries for yourself and develop a response plan based on competent communication.
- Set time limits for yourself in terms of how much of your day you are willing to spend on social media.
- Set limits on who you add to your social media accounts. You do not need to add everyone.
- Be thoughtful and respectful in your communication exchanges, committing to positive exchanges.
- Check your outgoing messages and ask yourself, “Would I want my employer, mother, future self, or future child, to see this message?” If not, do not post or share.
- If necessary, use your voice to be an advocate to stop the spread of hurtful messages.
- If you experience bullying or other problems, reach out to someone you trust for help.
- Block offensive content and the people who send offensive messages. Consider reporting abuse to the platform, such as Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram.
Key Takeaways
- We use self-disclosure to post information about ourselves online to create identities we want to share with others.
- We should be mindful of the ways we can protect our online information from those we don’t wish to share it with.
- New media affect interpersonal relationships in many ways.
- Social networking sites (SNSs) can present interpersonal challenges related to self-disclosure and self-presentation since we use them in academic, professional, personal, and civic contexts.
- Online dating has offers opportunities for us to meet others but also comes with many challenges.
- Online communication comes with risks we must be aware of to keep ourselves safe.
References
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Doyle, A., “Top 10 Social Media Dos and Don’ts,” About.com, accessed November 8, 2012, http://jobsearch.about.com/od/onlinecareernetworking/tp/socialmediajobsearch.htm.
Fitzgerald, B., “Social Media Is Causing Anxiety, Study Finds,” Huffington Post, July 11, 2012, accessed November 8, 2012, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/social-media-anxiety_n_1662224.html.
Gates, A., “For Baby Boomers, the Joys of Facebook,” New York Times, March 19, 2009, accessed November 8, 2012, http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/22/nyregion/new-jersey/22Rgen.html.
Kintzer, B., “Women Find Social Media Make Them More Social Offline, Too,” Advertising Age, July 9, 2012, accessed November 8, 2012, http://adage.com/article/guest-columnists/women-find-social-media-makes-social-offline/235712.
Richardson, K., and Sue Hessey, “Archiving the Self?: Facebook as Biography of Social and Relational Memory,” Journal of Information, Communication, and Ethics in Society 7, no. 1 (2009): 29.
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Ryan, T. and Sophia Xenos, “Who Uses Facebook? An Investigation into the Relationship between the Big Five, Shyness, Narcissism, Loneliness, and Facebook Usage,” Computers in Human Behavior 27, no. 5 (2011): 1659.
Vitak, J., Julia Crouse, and Robert LaRose, “Personal Internet Use at Work: Understanding Cyberslacking,” Computers in Human Behavior 27, no. 5 (2011): 1752.
Vitak, J. and Nicole B. Ellison, “‘There’s a Network Out There You Might as Well Tap’: Exploring the Benefits of and Barriers to Exchanging Informational and Support-Based Resources on Facebook,” New Media and Society (in press).
Walther, J. B., Brandon Van Der Heide, Sang-Yeon Kim, David Westerman, and Stephanie Tom Tong, “The Role of Friends’ Appearance and Behavior on Evaluations of Individuals on Facebook: Are We Known by the Company We Keep?” Human Communication Research 34 (2008): 29.
This page titled 11.5: The Dark Side of Social Media is shared under a CC BY 4.0 license and was authored, remixed, and/or curated by Angela Hoppe-Nagao & Anu Khanna (ASCCC Open Educational Resources Initiative (OERI)) .
